Old Friends and Fathers - a weekend in OKC

The hilly part of Kansas. Not that you can tell. 

Many months ago my friends from high school and I decided to gather from all four corners of the earth (and by that I just mean Boston, New York, Kansas City, and Oklahoma) for a mini reunion. (We have been friends for 20 years now. How is that possible?) We didn't intentionally choose Father's Day weekend as our timeframe for this event. But I'm glad it worked out this way.

The road to OKC was long - as always - but the drive was well worth it. At the end of that road was a very happy Honey & Papa, a couple of delighted cousins, some very dear old friends (and some new babies to meet!) ... and quality time with my dad on Father's Day - a treat not to be overlooked. 

On the way there, Sergio was able to get in a little early Father's Day affection when we stopped on the turnpike to get our wiggles out and the girls tackled him with a hug. Also en route, Julia whispered to me, "Mommy - you picked a good guy to marry." 

And of course she's right. 

Getting our wiggles out and our hugs in. 

mini harvest at my parents' house

Old friends. We are very old friends. 

my dad and me circa 1996

Mema's Birthday (observed)

Today would have been my grandmother's 94th birthday. She passed away in February. She is always in my heart and on my mind. She was 100% amazing.

I continue to remember #arliememagandy on Instagram

All day long the girls and I have been singing "Put me in your pocket" - which we do pretty often anyway. You can Google it and listen to a few other folks sing it. But if you want a real treat click here to listen to Mema herself singing this to my aunt Joy last year on the cusp of Joy's relocation to Colorado. How I love to hear Mema's voice. I'm so glad Joy captured it.

Tonight when the girls took a walk with Sergio they sang the song again and he texted me the following dialogue...
Julia: Do you want to sing it again?
Clara: No.
Julia: But it'll make Mema so happy in heaven!
Clara: Ok.
And on top of all that sweetness, Julia also suggested that we sing Happy Birthday to Mema and we did. That felt really nice. I never expected my toddlers to help me grieve. I had assumed it'd be the other way around.

...

About 10 days before Mema passed away, we decided to go down to Oklahoma for a last visit, not knowing how much longer she'd have. When Sergio and I were debating when to go, he suggested that we go quickly urging "every moment is precious." He meant every remaining moment and he was right. But the truth is, every moment was already precious. I am beyond fortunate to have had Mema in my life.

I will forever be grateful that Sergio's spontaneous "let's just go to Oklahoma this weekend" suggestion overruled my penchant for scheduling things way in advance. We visited that last weekend in January; I spent an entire day simply being with Mema. I sat with her. I held her hand. I listened to her sing - so many hymns and all of them about Heaven. Every moment was precious.

On that Sunday we had to leave and that was the hard part. When we said good bye we knew it was Goodbye with a capital G. And even though we all knew that it was her time to go (even Mema knew it), it didn't mean my heart wasn't breaking. I stood on the threshold of that room, reluctant to put one foot in front of the other, to step out of that sacred space. What do you say when you know it's your last goodbye? We had had one final tea party that morning - the girls sharing their little cheerios with Mema. And when Mema starting saying "I'll meet you in the morning," which is a reference to Heaven, Julia piped up, "Mema! We won't be here in the morning! We're going home!" And we all let out a tearful chuckle.

That night when we got home we discovered we'd left the heat off in our house and the temperature in the house was 49 degrees. By bedtime it had only risen to 50.  When I put the girls to sleep I told them that as they're falling asleep they should think about how much Mema loves them. Julia said, "I know how much Mema loves me. A lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot." Then I snuggled Julia and she felt cold so I asked if she wanted another blanket. She said, "maybe I want my quilt [which Mema made for her] because my quilt has Mema's powers in it. And if I sleep with it it will put Mema's powers into me and then I'll think, 'Oh yeah, that's what it was like at Honey and Papa's! I remember Mema!'" Yet again, my small child shows me the way. 

Mema really was an example to us all and a treasure. And she did have powers you know - Mema the superhero, as Tyler put it. Given how frail Mema was there at the end, that notion is funny. But I think we all know it was truer than true. Her super power was love. No matter how frail she was at the end, she had a powerful pull on all of us.

That room where Mema died - it was the "sunroom" at my parents' house - was bathed in light and love and that was the image I carried with me back home as I waited for another 5 days before I got the news that she'd passed away peacefully early in the morning on February 6.

...

Last night I had some friends over, one of whom was celebrating her birthday, also on May 31. She requested a chocolate cake - so I made her a chocolate cake but I also made a big double batch of Berry Dumplings in honor of Mema's birthday. Now it occurs to me that that'll be a great way to celebrate Mema for years to come. She always did love celebrating and remembering with food.

A few days before Mema died my mom texted us all to say that Mema had woken from a dream and asked my mom if she wanted to eat pie with her. (Mema is generous with her pie even in her dreams.)  We all texted back and forth imagining which pie she must have been enjoying in her dreams. Mama Taylor's chocolate pie, perhaps? Or Mema's pecan pie? Or her famous pumpkin streusel?

Wouldn't it be nice to sit down with Mema for pie just one more time?

Daisy

Well, we got a dog. 

Daisy, 6 years old, miniature schnauzer 

It was a surprising turn of events for us, instigated by an unpleasant surprising turn of events. Daisy was my aunt Jetta's dog. After Jetta was diagnosed with cancer and we realized that Daisy would outlive her, my family and I began to wonder what would happen. Sergio and I discussed the possibility of taking her - I was delighted to discover that he liked the idea! As long as I've known him, he's always said, "I like dogs, I just don't want to live with them." But with Daisy it was different. He developed a soft spot for her and was totally on board with the idea of adopting her. After Jetta died and we proposed this plan, everyone agreed that this was the right idea and that it's what Jetta would have wanted.

My biggest concern was taking Daisy away from Mema, who had been Daisy's companion, or maybe it was the other way around. Mema told us everything we needed to know to care for her, including Daisy's special "Say your prayers!" trick. I will always think of Jetta's voice when we do that trick with Daisy. 

The most amazing thing is how much Daisy loves Sergio AND how much he loves her. He is her favorite. When he invites her to his lap she bounds onto him eagerly without giving it a second thought. When I invite her to sit in my lap, she looks at me as if to say, "hmmm. I'm still considering other options. I will let you know." When Sergio leaves for the grocery store, she barks and yelps for him and waits on high alert for his return. When I step outside, she says "meh..." and goes to curl up with Sergio.

All of which is fine with me. I don't mind playing second fiddle. I'm just happy to have a dog again.

Second Fiddle

We brought Daisy here by car right after fourth of July. A long car trip, but she handled it well (thanks to Sergio). Just before driving away from OKC, Sergio reminded us all that when he proposed to me, my dad said, "will you take the dog, too?" That was a long time ago and the dog in question wasn't the same dog. But  just before we carted Daisy off, Sergio was quick to point out that, even if it took him 10.5 years, yes, he is taking the dog. 

A Tornado, a Birthday, and a Funeral

My Aunt Jetta

We went to OKC recently to attend my aunt's funeral; the weekend before we'd gone to celebrate my grandmother's birthday (early) and to see my aunt Jetta who was very sick. She had been diagnosed with late stage cancer just after Easter. We had no idea how rapidly she'd decline. She only had one cycle of chemo that lasted just three weeks. She died before her hair even had a chance to fall out. 

I had no idea that Memorial Day weekend I was saying goodbye for the last time. That weekend she said no more than five words to me, which in and of itself was a feat. She was virtually non-communicative towards the end. That weekend when I reached out to her she responded, whispering "Thank You," "Love you," and "Pretty," (that last one was her acknowledgement of the bouquet of flowers I brought her from Mema's garden.) I am grateful for the visit I had made earlier in May when she was doing a little bit better and when I brought her a birthday gift and a card, which I know she treasured; she wouldn't even let my mom throw away the envelope that her birthday card came in. She passed away peacefully on Wednesday morning, May 29.

I struggled with how to tell Julia that Jetta passed away. She knew something was up ("Jetta doesn't feel good.") and had already asked some poignant questions (“Who hurt Jetta?”). But she is too young to understand death. When we went back for the funeral, I worried that Julia would inquire after Jetta or want to know why we were all sad. She IS in the “Why?” phase, after all. We used our best euphemisms and our simplest language and I think in some fundamental way, she understood just enough. The truth is that her child-like view of it all brought some levity that I found to be refreshing in the most stifling parts of the mourning process: “She’s pink!” (Julia said, at the funeral home where there was a pink light shining on the body) and “Jetta has a new bed!” (after the viewing) and “Is Jetta hiding?” (at the graveside service).

In many ways I was helping myself understand death as much as I was helping Julia. This was the first death in the inner circle of my mom’s family since the year I was born. I’ve never had to face it so forthrightly. I questioned what it all meant each step of the way.

The night of the viewing of the body, there was a big storm brewing. Being tried and true Oklahomans, we all knew something big was coming. You could just feel it in the air. (Also, we were watching the news and the meteorologists said something big was coming.) We proceeded with the evening’s plan nonetheless; my mom took Mema to the funeral home and many other folks arrived. Sergio and I came with the girls and were able to have our moment to say “Goodbye” and “We love you, Jetta.” Before long the storm had progressed and we realized we needed to take cover. We hustled out of the funeral home and piled into our caravan of cars as the newscasters on the radios advised us all to take shelter. We were headed across the street to go into the basement of the church. It felt so weird to leave Jetta behind.

The viewing of the body is peculiar. We know in our heads what has happened, that our loved one has died, but our hearts want to believe that maybe it’s not true. Our hearts want to believe the way Julia probably believed - that Jetta was just asleep. It certainly looked that way. She looked beautiful (no small feat after her illness) -- and pink, even! -- as though she were just resting for a moment. But let me tell you - nothing drives home the reality of your loved one’s condition like having to leave her behind in the funeral home while the rest of the family takes cover from a tornado.

Oh and did I mention that this was my grandmother’s 92nd birthday? What a strange way to spend your birthday. That night, Mema powered through the visitation and the tornado, broken heart and all. We all even managed to share some cake together and reflect on those 92 years. But it was far from a happy birthday. We found out later that the tornado that came through that night was the widest tornado ever recorded in US history - about 2.5 miles. The wide-reaching path of destruction was an apt metaphor for the ripple effects of Jetta's death - of anyone's death, I am sure. It has both a broad (for many) and a personal (for each of us) impact. However, no one felt Jetta's death quite the way Mema did. As she told me later on, tearfully, at the graveside service, "It just cuts so deep."

The next morning the sky was clear and beautiful. The funeral for Jetta was perfect; she would have loved it, I am sure. Family came to town and my parents' house was full of warmth and full of flowers and full of food. There was an amazing outpouring of support from my parents' friends and co-workers, my aunt's friends and co-workers, my friends - more generous that you could imagine. If quantities of food delivered to the bereaved are any indication of how well someone was liked, then my aunt was extremely well loved. The remainder of the weekend was part hustle and bustle of family gathering and part quiet reflection. And lots and lots of emotion.

Jetta was a giver of great gifts, a baker of amazing birthday cakes, and a taker of great photos. She was patriotic - didn't care who you voted for in any election just so long as you voted. And she'd give you The Raised Eyebrow of Consternation if you didn't. She was a loyal Hallmark Gold Crown shopper and invested a lot of time in finding the right gift. She was a bit of a wallflower. She was full of tact. She never said an unkind word. She loved iced tea. 

It is so hard to believe she’s gone. We are all better off for having had her in our life. We miss her so much.

“I had rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post which any human power can give.” - Thomas Jefferson

(a quotation framed and hung on the wall at Jetta's house)

Trip to OKC for the A + B = C party

 Our first road trip with both girls - a drive to OKC. Clara asks, "how long do I have to be in the carseat?!" 

Getting to meet Mema!

me, Clara, Mema, and Julia

 Julia enjoying her first "hot dulce" - a special tradition at Honey's house

The A + B = C party (Anniversary + Baby = Celebration) in honor of my parents' 50th wedding anniversary and Clara's birth. 

Judy and Winford though the years.  

 Happy travelers on our way home.

Long Trip to OKC (A Photo Essay)

Sergio, Julia, and I spent several days in OKC last week for an early Thanksgiving. We had lots of quality time for hanging out at Honey and Papa's - I even had time to stay up late and watch M*A*S*H with Mom and Dad, just like the old days. We pulled out old pictures and told stories; Dad pulled out his old records and told us stories. Julia and Mom and I spent a great afternoon playing at Mema's and enjoying the beautiful weather outside. It was a great trip...

a little lunch with Mema

playing on Mema's boardwalk

with Honey and Papa

 the girls and their wheels

 me as a toddler - I'm starting to see the resemblance everyone is talking about

Dad's record collection, a few of which are on loan with us to enjoy. 

In the Last Two Weeks ...

I am happy; in the last two weeks I have been able to...

See my girlfriends from high school...

(l. to r. Dana, Lauren, Kreisa, Emily, and Ricki Lea; not pictured but missed - Deena)

Visit with Mema (with Julia, too) ...

Reading Mema's magazine.

Showing Mema how she plays telephone.

In honor of her namesake (Mema's mother), Julia Wesson Taylor - Julia turned her hair red for this photo.

And attend a lovely wedding in Weston...

The wedding was in an orchard.

The reception was in a barn.

We had a blast.

Our Fifteen Minutes

Sergio and I were in the paper on Sunday in the Star Magazine's Love Story column! Thanks to writer Deborah Shouse for capturing our story.

Frida Kahlo brought them together

By DEBORAH SHOUSE

Special to The Star

Keith Myers

Emily Akins and Sergio Moreno met when they worked together on a college assignment. They married and today work together at Hallmark Cards.

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Sergio Moreno was excited about the professor’s assignment: to list two artists and circle your favorite. The professor would choose one for each student to write about.

“I grew up in Mexico City,” Sergio says. “I had visited Frida Kahlo’s home and wanted to write about her.”

It was the fall of 1998, and 20-year-old Sergio was attending Southern Nazarene University in Bethany, Okla. He was upset when he was assigned his second choice, Diego Rivera.

“Why?” he asked the professor.

“Emily Akins already chose Frida. But the two of you can work together.”

Sergio had never met Emily, who was then a sophomore. But he agreed to work with her.

They began to study Frida together.

“Sergio stood out,” Emily says. “He was very polite and interesting, and we had similar interests.”

“I thought Emily was cute, and I was attracted by her family orientation,” Sergio says. “Her interests in music and art were different from everyone else’s.”

They became friends and often went out to eat together. After more than a year of friendship, Sergio asked Emily to be his girlfriend.

“I was reluctant,” Emily says. “I really liked him, but I wanted to focus on friends and school.”

But Sergio was so appealing, she began dating him. Both graduated in 2001. While Sergio stayed in Oklahoma, Emily moved to Kansas City, and they began a long-distance relationship. Six months into their separation, they decided they wanted to be together.

“I was ready to propose, but Emily hated jewelry,” Sergio says. “I knew she wouldn’t like a ring.”

Finally, he came up with a plan, based on Emily’s love of the English language. When Emily was visiting Oklahoma, Sergio invited Emily, her family and his sister out for dinner. During the meal, he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring box. Inside, was a tiny photo of the 20-volume Oxford English Dictionary, which he had purchased for Emily.

They were married on Jan. 1, 2003. Sergio moved to Kansas City, and today they work right next to each other as editorial directors at Hallmark Cards.

They like movies, theater and music. They enjoy cooking together and cherish their family meal time. They also cherish their time with their baby daughter, Julia.

“We’re having fun getting to know each other as parents,” Emily says. “Sergio is sensitive and warmhearted. He’s clever and makes me laugh. Plus, his fathering touches my heart.”

“Emily is a very sophisticated yet down-to-earth woman,” Sergio says. “I have always felt attracted to her, physically and intellectually. She inspires me and balances me.”

Deborah Shouse is a freelance writer. Suggest a Love Story couple by writing to lovestory@kcstar.com.

Mema's 90th (Reunion 2)

Our second reunion - less than a week after our trip to Colorado - was a reunion/birthday party for my Mema who turned 90 on May 31. To celebrate this major milestone, Mom invited all the cousins from Texas to come up for a Taylor family reunion. It was a wonderful time, and a very happy birthday for Mema.

Mema and her little brother Joe - two of the seven kids of Julia Wesson Taylor.

Mom with old pictures from old Taylor reunions.

Coconut Cream Pie - my grandfather's favorite - my aunt Joy made 7 pies, including this one and Mama Taylor's Chocolate Pie, Mema's favorite.

Mema and her girls

Mema and Julia giggling

Long Trip to OKC

I decided a while back that a good use of my maternity leave would be to take a long trip to OKC to spend several days of un-rushed quality time with friends and family. It was a very good idea indeed.

Julia and I were scheduled to fly in Wednesday morning but the threat of a blizzard made me change my tickets to Tuesday night. When Mom and Dad picked me up from the airport and there wasn't a snow flake to be found, I jokingly accused them of having fabricated the whole weather advisory just to get 15 extra hours with Julia. But come Wednesday morning, the forecast came true and I was glad I was cozy at my parents' house and not trying to fly.

about 6 inches

We were only snow bound for a bit - not long enough to keep me from having a nice dinner out with my friends on Thursday night. The weather subsided soon enough for Julia to enjoy a few special visitors and visits, including having a whole day plus another whole evening with Mema.

sitting with Mema

holding hands

Ling and Minli were out of school two days and I suppose we should have gone out and made snow angels or snow people or something. But we didn't have appropriate winter wear and Honey had a recipe for pretzels, so we stayed inside and baked instead.

Best Pretzels Ever

Julia learning about pink from the expert

quality time with Papa

a traditional sink bath at Honey's

Sergio joined us Friday night after several long days of missing his Jujube. By Saturday, the snow was melting and the weather was downright gorgeous when we went to Minli's and Ling's basketball games.

Also on Saturday we prepared for two red-themed holidays - making the little creme wafers that we often make in my family for Valentine's Day, and donning red clothes to wear to a Chinese New Year party that night.

These cookies were so much more

delicious than I remember them being. I forgot to take a picture of the heart-shaped ones; Dad took a picture of the last three cookies and sent it to me.

Year of the Rabbit!

We headed home on Sunday and the whole way back to KC I thought about those delicious little Valentine's Day wafers ... and I kind of wished I could have stayed one more day so Julia could have spent Valentine's Day with her Honey and Papa. But it never matters how long or short my trips to OKC are, nor does it matter if they fall on a holiday or an anyday ... I always wish I could stay just one more day.

The Holidays

This year it was back to our old holiday travel routine - a few days in OKC and a week in Mexico and then ringing in the new year on a plane - only this year we had our newest little travel buddy along for the ride. She was quite a trooper - a good little traveler.

Little Christmas Munchkin

Duendecita de Navidad

But before we left home we had a little bit of Christmas on our own, including a Christmas Tree! With a ton of generous help from Christy and Armando, I was able to pick up my native (but invasive!) eastern red cedar (from Laura at Blue Door Farm) at Badseed market. I do love a free-spirited Christmas Tree; Sergio calls it a Christmas Bush.

The Christmas "Bush"

Another little bit of Christmas, new this year - I finally made it back to the Messiah Singalong at church. I haven't been in 6 years, but I've wanted to go back all this while. So while Jujube hung out with her dad and her tio Armando and learned all about Pink Floyd, Mommy spent three lovely hours trying to remember all the alto parts from Freshman Choir in college. The singalong is a great Christmas tradition and I hope I can go next year.

Christmas candles with a bowl of torn construction paper Christmas ornaments that my brother and I made when we were kids.

our lil flower

A few days before Christmas, we crammed our luggage full of gifts and flew off, first to OKC, then to Mexico. I'm afraid there was no white Christmas for us this year - not like last year's unbelievable weather. But there were other treats to be had this year - getting to see family (quality time with Mema, Jujube getting to finally meet her Uncle Danny) and some long-awaited edible treats, too (tacos and quesadillas and atole and ponche).

eating her hands at Honey and Papa's

Julia's "boot" in Mexico (literal translation for the Spanish word for stocking)

And at the end of the whole trip, we even made it home in time to go to Spin! Neapolitan Pizza - one of the only places open on New Years Day! - to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.