31 December 2016

The Highly Caloric Holiday Baking Post

This is the post where I list all the unhealthy and delicious things I baked (or ate) in the last month. If you want the reflective, emotional holiday post, click here. And listen - if you don't have time to read all this nonsense just promise me you'll jump to the bottom and read about Crumb Pie. Just do it!

For the "cookie crawl" at work I made Buttered Popcorn Cookies from Smitten Kitchen. If you decide to make them, I highly recommend adding the chocolate chips that Joy the Baker adds. It might be fun to make it with M&Ms or something, too. Note that the popcorn will be chewy, not crunchy. But still good. And I like it because it makes for some efficient snacking - saving you from wasting time eating popcorn, cookies, AND chocolate separately. You don't want to waste too much time because you still need to make

This is my grandmother's recipe and one of my All Time Favorite Cookies Ever Ever Ever. It's like a gingersnap but soft instead of hard. And "if you're anything like me, and I know I am," you hate a crunchy gingersnap (or so you thought. See Pfeffernüsse down below.) I have the recipe written out in Jetta's handwriting. It's always a trip down memory lane to make these. Since I know you are going to ask me for the recipe - everyone always does - here it is.
Molasses Crinkles
3/4 cup shortening
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup molasses
sift together:
2 1/4 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon ginger
Mix together. Chill dough. Roll into balls (walnut size) and dip tops in sugar. Place 3 inches apart on greased cookie sheet. Sprinkle a few drops of water over the cookies. Bake @ 325 for 8-10 minutes. 

sea salt caramels
I have no idea what came over me but on a whim one night I decided to make caramels. I thought it'd make a good gift for the staff at the girls' schools. And I thought they looked so cute wrapped in their little parchment papers. Turns out - they're cute and delicious. I made a second batch for family at Christmas. It certainly won't be my last. Here's hoping my beginner's luck holds out! I used this corn syrup free recipe. I would like to try some fancier ones (like this one with pepper!) but would have to succumb to corn syrup.

I made this with my mom (who is called Honey) when she visited before Christmas. It was so delicious. We all devoured it before I could even take a picture. It's heavenly.

The other thing Mom and I made was Pfeffernüsse - using this recipe. I didn't think I'd like such a crunchy cookie. Wrong! It really is like a "pepper nut" - like the name suggests. All the spice of a molasses crinkle or gingersnap - but with the kick of "pepper," the balance of the powdered sugar, and a nice crunch. Also - great for gift giving!

At Christmas, Christy's friend Bruselas transformed my two bottles of Two Buck Chuck into a lovely mulled wine or "Vin Chaud." It's basically orange juice and wine mixed with spices and drunk hot. And even though you wouldn't think of drinking either of those things hot by themselves (and despite the fact that one friend described it as microwave sangria which made me lol my head off), I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed it. The spice, the wine, the citrus. Perfect for winter. (Even if we're having a weird winter.)
Bruselas' Vin Chaud
1 liter of OJ
2 bottles of wine
1 cinnamon stick + some ground cinnamon
11 cloves or more, actually
Simmer the OJ and spices for a while. Add wine. 

I've been on a real mint chocolate kick for the last - I don't know 37 years or so. But recently I've really been parsing out what it is I do and don't love about all mint/choc combos. In the process I decided I should make these Peppermint Brownies. I'm so glad I did.

crumb pie dry
Last but not least, I enjoyed (but did not make) a magnificent thing called Crumb Pie. It came to me in a little plastic baggie in a gift box from some dear old friends who visited between Christmas and New Years. It's an old family recipe. It is dry and a bit funny looking. It's basically flour, sugar, and spices and salt "pressed" into lard. Which I don't quite understand. So instead of trying to describe how it's made, let me attempt to describe how it tastes by simply saying that when you pour a little bit of hot coffee - or a little bit of milk - on top of it and let the Crumb Pie and the beverage merge  into a sort of puddling you will find that it tastes like no other heaven you have ever tasted before. Sweet and creamy, spicy and salty. Unless you're one of those weird-os that doesn't like nutmeg/clove/allspice kind of stuff, you will love it and the magic it creates in your mouth.
Green Family Crumb Pie
3 1/2 cups flour
3/4 cup lard
2 cups sugar
4 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. allspice
1 tsp. allspice
1 tsp. salt
Mix the flour, sugar, salt and spices in a large bowl. Cut in lard with a pastry cutter and mix well. Press into an 11 by 16 pan or two smaller ones. For a crunchier crumb pie, press down harder. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Cut while warm.
Serving suggestions:
It may be called crumb pie, but you eat it dry like a cookie or mix with milk or coffee and stir into a spice pudding. This was a long time Green family recipe, usually eaten for Christmas morning breakfast. A strange, but yummy concoction. Nothing smells better than this when it's baking!

with coffee
with milk

2016: Year in Review

This is the reflective, emotional holiday post. To read the highly caloric baking-only holiday post - click here.

I was looking at this thing on my door frame - a blessing I wrote on Epiphany, January of 2016. It means Christus mansionem benedicat or "May Christ bless this house."  Since everyone universally agrees - at least in meme-land - that 2016 was an epic fail, I looked at it and thought, "Well, I guess that didn't work."

But then I remembered that I had no deeply held personal associations with any of the big names who passed away so tragically this year. And while I recognize their loss as significant and unfortunate, none of it made me that ... sad. (And even though I DO feel a tragic sense of loss regarding the election, that's less of a 2016 thing and more of a 2015-2020 and beyond thing.)

And - I remembered where WE were - the four of us in this little house - on Epiphany, January of 2016. How quickly I have deposited into my memory banks the fragility of our lives last Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. How poignant it all seems to me now as we move through a much more solid holiday season this year. How profound the simple things are in this context.

There is a lot to worry about in the world today. And worry about it I will. (I'm good at that.) But for now, the wise thing to do seems to be to take stock.

I didn't know a year ago that we'd lose Daisy. That was the straw that broke this camel's back. I'd endured a lot already as I watched my most beloved family members endure diagnoses and enter recovery. I thought I was in the clear. I lost it when she died. I found it eventually. Whatever "it" is ... homeostasis I guess? But not without help.

I also didn't know, a year ago, that I would find Schultz and Schatzi and that they would be utterly delightful.

Sergio is on a completely different path in life and while his diagnosis last fall and his departure from Hallmark early this year brought major shifts in our world, it also catapulted him into a wonderfully fulfilling career track. It is lovely to stand aside and watch.

And here's something I don't say too often because it is cliche and it is trite and it feels like I'm gloating but ... I really love my job. Hallmark, like all of us, is flawed. But, like all of us - er, most of us, anyway, it means well. And every day I go to work I look forward to how I'm going to spend the day. This - as I have witnessed in Sergio's case - is nothing to sneeze at. And the last 12 months of work have been especially good for me, full of opportunities to better understand myself and my world. And, if we've played our "cards" right, so to speak, opportunities to a make the world a better place.

Compassion makes the world a better place, don't you think? That's the other thing hanging with the 20 + C + M + B + 16 above our back door - a Buddhist mantra of compassion. We're going to need even more of that in 2017 and beyond. It will be my hope, my prayer, and my work to make a compassionate dent wherever I can.

18 November 2016

Dear Everybody Who is Obsessed With Blue Apron, Green Chef, Hello Fresh, and The Like

I get it, okay. I know we need convenience in our lives. I know we're all busy - I'm right there with you. I work full time, I volunteer, I have kids, a spouse, dogs - plenty of demands. You and me both, okay? We like getting everything delivered to our doors. Amazon Prime, Bark Box, Honest Company - it all just shows up on our door step and we never even have to leave the house or shop in public or anything! Amazing. But let's step back a minute and talk about what we're getting when we make our food decisions and what our community is getting as a result. 

First let's talk about freshness - I'm guessing you are really keen on fresh ingredients because that is something that these companies tout. Fresh and organic ingredients. I also love fresh and organic ingredients. But let me suggest to you that the freshest ingredients you can get are the ones that are grown very close by and aren't packaged and well travelled. Try shopping the farmers market or the many grocery stores that sell local produce and get something fresh and organic there. It will be fresher than something that's been shipped to you and it won't come with food miles or extra packaging. It will not have travelled a long journey from the farm to the distribution center to the packaging facility to the next distribution center, etc. etc. etc. There is a lot of energy input for a journey like that so your delivery comes with kind of an outsized carbon footprint. Not unlike when I was a teenager and my feet grew faster than the rest of me: normal sized kid - GIANT feet! Meal delivery services mean a normal sized stash of ingredients - HUGE carbon footprint! 

Each time we buy food - and we buy food pretty often, don't we? Three meals a day, snacks, you, me, our families - lots of mouths to feed and lots of meals to make. Each time we buy food we are supporting someone. Think about who you support. A local, sustainable farmer? Or a large corporation? Or a company that supports organic farmers? There are a lot of decisions to make and we make them everyday. Sometimes we need to make decisions based on convenience. But whenever we can, let's make decisions that support our community.

Please join me in looking for ways to support local, organic, hard working, small farmers in our region when you make at least some of your food decisions. Your food will be fresher and your money will stay in Kansas City. By the way - you know about the local multiplier effect, right? For every $1 you spend at a national chain, only 15 cents is invested locally; but for every $1 you spend locally, 45 cents gets reinvested locally! Think about how much better our home town would be if each of us chose to spend just a few more of our dollars supporting local farmers. 

Thanks for your time!

PS: IF you want to join a Community Supported Agriculture program, call me - helping people find the right CSA is one of my favorite past times!

10 November 2016

Archer City, TX

Archer City, TX, located in the northern part of Texas, just below the Oklahoma border, has a population of 1,834 people, according to the 2010 census. It’s the county seat, has approximately 1 stop light, a total area of 2.2 square miles, and, as best as we could tell, 3 places to eat.

And it has 1 very important bookstore called Booked Up, which is owned by Larry McMurtry, author of Lonesome Dove and The Last Picture Show. Booked Up has about 200,000 books. That's far more books than people in Archer City and that’s after Booked Up sold off one half of their inventory 4 years ago going down from 4 storefronts to 2.

And if this were a piece about numbers perhaps we'd discuss the book-to-person ratio, or the books per capita average, or maybe even books per square mile (roughly 100,000, by my count) or the number of Booked Up storefronts per square mile (roughly 1).

But this is not a piece about numbers it's a piece about words and about how absolutely dumbstruck I was when I walked in and saw shelf after shelf after shelf after shelf of floor to ceiling books. There I was surrounded by all those words and I was completely speechless.

Like a kid in a candy store I went up and down every aisle and eventually found a few words to utter - like “oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.” Eventually I slowed down and the four of us - my parents, Sergio, and me - started browsing.

One of the first books I found was The Lively Anatomy of God published by EAKINS press or, as I read it, E Akins press. I just knew it was a sign. The first story inside it was about a woman who believes in signs. Well, clearly that was a sign! Having once read a book called The Shadow of the Wind wherein a boy chooses a book - or maybe the book chooses him - from the “Cemetery of Forgotten Books,” I found it quite possible to believe in just this sort of enchanted nature of bookstores. It was easy to think that at Booked up in Archer City, TX, something magical like that is possible. Because clearly this place is magic.

Except it didn’t seem all that magical to the two people who work there. The woman who welcomed us when we first came in didn’t seem to register my enthusiasm when I had to come back to the front and ask again “where do I find the bathroom?” because I asked her once already and tried to follow her directions but let’s be honest I didn’t hear a word she said because BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS. She and her cohort - the only two employees of Booked Up seem to have more of a cataloging, functional role, perfunctory even … and while they may be interested enough to ask “where ‘yall from?” they certainly aren’t interested in the fact that it took us 15 years to get to Archer City, to actually make good on the original idea that my dad had. They were only politely interested but by then it was 5:00 and magical or not, Booked Up closes at 5:00.

In the hours that transpired between our excited arrival and our prompt departure (with books in tow), we found The Light Side of Egypt, Aboriginal Indian Basketry, The Southern Expansion of the Chinese People, The Meaning of Meaning, Imperial Dictionary of Universal Biography, Ghost Towns of New Mexico, The Butter Industry, an ad for The Times Literary Supplement that asks “Do you get the most out of the books you read? Some books will stand the test of many readings and many are never fully appreciated the first time they are read.”

Oh, and a framed, pillowcase embroidered with this: “In my dream, I was in an underground parking garage. Fred Astaire danced out from between two cars. A sedan almost hit him but he leapt away.”

And I found a set of Harper’s Magazines from 1926. I dusted off their plastic jackets and pried one open to read “The Cheer-Leader in Literature” in which William McFee laments the practice of teaching writing at universities and schools stating that “the ultimate achievement of schools for fiction is the establishment of mediocrity as the controlling influence of American literature.” Oh, Mr McFee - you can sign me up as one of the “cheer-leaders of mediocrity,” Buddy, because that. Is. Nonsense. I decided I was going to have to take home one of these Harper's. Maybe this one or or maybe the one with the article called “Seven Deadly Sins of Women In Business.” I went up to the front of the store to ask how much these would cost.

When I got to the front I discovered that only one employee was there and that the woman who prices things had gone to pick up her daughter from school. I took a moment while I waited to read the back flap of Larry McMurtry’s book called Books: A Memoir, in which he shares that for much of his childhood he didn’t have any books in his house. Instead, he and his family and their neighbors would all sit on their front porches and tell stories and so, while he may not have grown up around books, he learned the art of story from the get go.
Eventually the woman who prices things comes back with her daughter who, would you believe, is some sort of cheerleader at the local elementary school and is dressed up in her garb. (Did I mention we were there on a Friday during football season? Go Wildcats!)

What must it be like to grow up in this magic store surrounded by all these books? Maybe she is Booked Up’s cheerleader of literature. But with her fingers smudged from Doritos or Cheetos or whatever it is she’s eating, I don’t imagine her reading very many of these pricey rare texts and probably she, like her mom, doesn’t register the excitement. She is a kid in a bookstore, not a kid in a candy store.

I bought one issue of Harper’s. It was $10. That’s roughly $1 per article inside the publication but really it’s kind of priceless when you get to page 312 of the magazine and read Albert Jay Nock saying “I wish they would sometimes get restless under their own excellences. It seems only human that they should do so… Their temperament makes no room for the great and saving grace of cussedness, whereby one gets tired of a smooth monotonous best and skirmishes around for a look at something that probably is not so good but is restfully different.”

Priceless. This is not a piece about numbers - it’s a piece about words. And about how each person who writes in the English language has the exact same 26 letters available to them - 26 letters on each person’s little Scrabble rack in their brain - which collectively have been parlayed into about a quarter of a million words and from there, an innumerable number of ideas and concepts, and from there an inordinate number of books. Books. Books.

Promise me you won’t ask yourself - which book would I be if I lived in the dystopian world of Farhenheit 451 and had to choose a book to embody. Because nobody wants to think about burning books.

And let’s not think about whether we love paper books over e-readers or about how many books fit on a kindle. Because this isn’t about reading on a Kindle. It’s about picking a book up off the shelf and discovering that Dorys Grover of 522 Lyon St in Ames, Iowa was sent a postcard on January 17, 1972 from Iowa State University library asking her to return the copy of Atlas Shrugged that she had borrowed.

Instead let’s use other “incendiary” words in order to think about how for each person who miraculously parlays their 26 letters into a book, there are how many more readers of that book? And whether you are the writer or the reader, you know full well how a book kindles the fires deep within each of us. An idea that takes hold, that catches on, and grows like wild fire. The words that light a flame under you. The words that you light on fire.

What book were you reading when you first realized - this is it. This is what I want. This is me.

Or how about this - what was your first book? Can you even answer that question? My dad can. It was Pinocchio. And it was given to him by his much older sister Ruth when he was about 7. Do you remember your first book? I don’t. And my children won’t. My children each have more books haphazardly wedged between the pillows on their beds than the whole of my father’s library when he was their age.

And Larry McMurtry, the man who keeps 28,000 books at his home as well as owning 2 storefronts full of roughly 200,000 books probably remembers his first book. And in fact he remembers that one of the two books his family owned when he was a teen was a book he gave to his father.

My father gave me my first Larry McMurtry book.

Who gave you your first book?

My daughter gave me a book shortly after we got back from Archer City. It was a book I already owned and had already read and in fact, it’s a book my dad had read as well. It’s Papa Hemingway. She pulled it off the shelf, wrapped it, gave it to me for my pretend birthday. I flopped it open and found something I’d underlined 15 years ago that had inspired me and spurred me on - something about the challenge that writers overcome to achieve the same pure emotion as artists: “Artists” Hemingway says “have all those great colors, while I have to do it on a typerwriter or with my pencil in black and white.”

The same 26 letters per person. Magically transformed. Cheering us on.

09 November 2016


I don't know the last time I cried myself to sleep like I did last night. I am drained after the exhausting cycle of emotions packed into the last 48 hours - hope, anxiety, despair, and more. Today is a new day, though it doesn’t feel new as in like “full-of-possibility” new. Just new as in, “is-this-real-life” new. Now I am rummaging around for Hope. Where did it go? I just had it the other day. Maybe St Francis has it?
...where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness joy...
*rummaging* Let’s see what else I can find...
A Grug & A Tantrum - Today started with a nice, long “grug” (that's a "group hug") with my little family, each saying “I love you” a thousand times. This quickly morphed into a deluxe, red-faced and screaming 30-minute tantrum on the part of Clara. Here I was, trying to hold it together while my blue feminist heart was breaking - meanwhile Clara just lets it rip because she doesn’t like her underwear or can’t find her favorite shoes or who even knows what led her to upturn her sister’s cereal all over the kitchen floor. Stress was everywhere. BUT we are lucky. We are all 4 of us healthy and happy, have a warm home with a roof and walls, cute dogs for schnuggles, and so much food in our cupboards that it falls out when we open the door to the pantry.
"Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console..."
Poetry & Islam - Today proceeded with a presentation at work where I was reminded from Kwame Alexander that words matter ... that poetry matters ... indeed that it is what makes us human. And suddenly Word Week is a perfect salve during this contentious moment in history and/or in my life. Kwame says that "the NOs are a part of life but we that have to learn to say YES to ourselves." And there was jazz and we clapped and we laughed. What a relief. I left there and went to a panel discussion where Muslim Hallmarkers spoke to a room of non-Muslim Hallmarkers all of whom had gathered simply to learn more about Islam. If, as David Isay says, “listening is an act of love,” then my participation in this and other such sessions is a profoundly powerful act.
“...to be understood as to understand...”
Love & Love - Today rounded out with messages of love, which are all over the place when you make Valentine’s Day cards for a living (literally everywhere; you should see my messy desk). And also messages of love in my phone - an emjoi, a text, a heartbeat. I wonder - who else can I reach out to today? Lots of people to choose from. People that I need. People that need me. What do they need to hear?
“...to be loved as to love.”
Still rummaging for Hope. Maybe Longfellow has it. He always has some. Just one stanza - that’s usually enough. Let’s see if it works this time...
Let us, then, be up and doing, With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait.

28 June 2016

Schultz and Schatzi

Just over a week ago these two were off to a rocky start; so much doggie discord in those initial encounters. I was a little bit nervous. Now I'm pleased to report that they seem to be fast friends. As for us, we love them even more now than we did when we first saw them on the schnauzer rescue sites where we found them. Which is saying a lot because it was mostly love at first sight. 

Schatzi - miniature schnauzer mix, 7 months old, 12 pounds - feisty and sweet - from SRT
Schultz - miniature schnauzer, 2 years old, 18 pounds - a big old lump of sugar - from MSRH
We found Schatzi through Schnauzer Rescue of Texas. We had already put in an application there as we had found several promising candidates but who already had adoptions pending. Why Texas? Because apparently Texas has a lot of schnauzers. At least more than KS, MO, and OK combined. Not to mention, the Texas organizations we'd reached out to we're all comfortable adopting to us in Missouri and to a household with small children. PS: if you want to adopt a schnauzer anywhere in the contiguous 48, let me know; I've done all the research. 
many hours in the mini van - almost home
Anyhow, through the SRT listing on the All Pets website we found Schatzi who was being fostered in Texas while she recovered from two broken legs. Her previous owners couldn't or wouldn't pay for the surgery to repair her broken legs. So a kind vet tech (to whom we are eternally grateful) intervened, arranged for her surgery, and monitored her care for about 6 weeks. We found out that Schatzi would be ready to adopt out about June 20 and - knowing that we were already planning to travel to Texas June 17-19 - realized it would work out perfectly. 

meeting the neighbor dog
We began to choose a name. Julia wanted to name her "Sweetie Bell" - we nixed that. Clara wanted to name her "Knife" or "Tablecloth" or "Chair" or whatever she happened to be looking at at that precise moment. Sergio and I wanted something German (because schnauzer) and when we found the name Schatzi, we liked that it sounded like Schatten, which was the name of my aunt Jetta's dog before Daisy. We were going the schnauzer route any way, in part because there were so many things we loved about Daisy but also because we felt it was a sort of homage to Jetta who had had two schnauzers in a row. We also learned that "Schatzi" was German for "sweetie," which Julia liked. 

on guard at the back
on guard at the front
So where did Schultz come from? Good question. By the time we found Schatzi I had signed up to get notifications about adoptable dogs and was following every schnauzer rescue organization on social media. So of course I kept finding dogs. Sergio told me to stop looking. I said "I'm not looking!" But when on the Miniature Schnauzer Rescue of Houston site I found a handsome salt and pepper fellow with the cinnamon ears, I realized I was totally still looking. 

I asked Sergio one night if he'd ever consider having two dogs at once. I fully expected a no. But instead he said "maybe." I was ecstatic. I reached out to lots of folks for advice on two dogs at once - folks I did know who have experience with multiple dogs, schnauzer rescue folks that I didn't know but who were so helpful. We decided we'd try to get Schultz (whose name was Todd at the time). If we don't get Todd, we decided, we won't get two dogs right now. (I was really hoping we'd get him.)

Todd was pretty popular so I tried (and failed) to not get my hopes up. There was one family interested in him but who chose another dog. Then there was an adoption event where I was sure someone else would snag him - but that event got cancelled. At last his foster mom (to whom we are also so grateful) chose us as his "furever" home. The next thing I know - he's ours and we're trying to figure out how to get to Texas, see all our family, and arrange to acquire two new dogs. 

they love tug of war with Daisy's favorite toy
Schultz and Schatzi had never met until last Sunday morning. Despite being perfectly precious on their own, they weren't too keen on each other right away. We accidentally introduced them to each other as we were waiting to get on the hotel elevator with Schultz and Schatzi and my niece were coming off the elevator. So much growling and barking. 

Those were the moments where I thought "oh no oh no oh no - what have we done?!" 

We got them to OKC in separate vehicles, Schultz melting into Tyler's lap in the passenger seat of our minivan and Schatzi climbing and snoozing on top of Sergio in my parents' car. 

At my parents house they did their growling dance and little by little shifted slowly from aggression to playfulness. By the time we left OKC we were okay putting them in the same vehicle. By the time we got home I thought - wow - this might just work after all. 

And so far? It's working perfectly. 
matching names - matching tags - matching collars 

06 May 2016

Missing Daisy


Well, it has been two weeks since we said good bye to Daisy and if I'm totally honest with you it has been one of the hardest two weeks I've had in a long time. And I've had quite a few hard weeks recently. I knew it would be hard to say goodbye to Daisy. But I had no idea it'd be this hard.

There are a lot of uncomfortable questions - could we have caught the cancer sooner? How long was she suffering before we found out? Did we do the right thing with her treatments? Did we do the right thing when we said goodbye? Questions with no good answers and questions that it does no good to ask.

So I am learning to stop asking them and to instead focus on the certainties. She led a very good life for 10 years with a multitude of beloved companions and care takers (Jetta, Mema, Papa & Honey, us, to name a few). We enjoyed her so, so much. She is no longer suffering.

I don't know what it is about dogs that makes missing them so poignant. Maybe it's because they're so constant and reliable. Maybe it's because they're always there; they don't go to work or school or have meetings ... they never even just run to the store; they're always there. Maybe it's because they depend on us for everything. Maybe it's because they're so earnest. Maybe it's because they always love you - no matter how great things are in your life; no matter how bad.

I know that many of you know what I am talking about - this particularly dogginess I'm describing. I know because you've reached out to us in the last few weeks with such comforting words of condolence, such thoughtful reflections, such compassion and caring. Thank you to all of you. Here's another "maybe" - Maybe dogs bring us together, even when they tear us apart. At least that's what I'm feeling - torn up inside but surrounded by support.

I have a very powerful memory of sitting on the couch with Daisy and Sergio one night - a long time ago. I wasn't doing anything - not reading, not watching TV, not fiddling with my phone, not talking. Just sitting. I had Daisy on one side of me and Sergio on the other side of me. We were just sitting. And I remember thinking how good it felt to just sit flanked by these two beings. How profound it was to just sit with them. It calms me to think of that moment. That was a moment that I was living in fully.

That is what I want to do more - to live in the moment like Daisy did - like most dogs do. I want to sit squarely within each moment and savor it.

03 May 2016

Thought Provoking

Between the Hallmark Creative Leadership Symposium today and the Greater KC Interfaith Council's Table of Faith's event tonight, I have had many, many thoughts provoked.

Both events stirred ideas around the power of the question "why?" and the importance of believing in something bigger than yourself. Curiously, the theme of the CLS was "We Are One" and yet I came away from the event thinking about what distinct perspectives each of us in the creative community has to offer. How do we complement or supplement each other? How are we similar? How are we different? How are we unique? The broad range of great speakers and topics helped bring that aspect of diversity home to me. And those same questions might have been asked of the range of faith perspectives represented on the Interfaith Council. The Table of Faiths event was not themed "We Are One" though there is a sense that each of the faiths represented there all exist in harmony inspire of or because of their differences.

Each presenter and storyteller that I heard today fascinated me and inspired me. Here are just a few favorite thoughts from the day.

The Highlights - CLS

"The Disease of Self" - what Dayton Moore warns will tear apart a team or a business or a family

"Choose the thoughts that you think." Toni Blackman

"If you want to write, write." Gillian Flynn

"Don't ask the designer to design a bridge; ask the designer to get from one side of the river to the other." Mauro Porcini

"Believe that what you're doing has to be done." Chris Ciesiel

"Tear down your idea - what's left standing is something pure." Matt Castilleja

"Always know why you're doing what you're doing." Ryan Wing

"You turn folded card stock into joy grenades." Rob Riggle

"Know you're number 1 but act like the underdog." Carla Moore

"Music is not just sound. It's a force." Nolan Gasser

"My work is not satisfaction from all the people I've proved wrong. It's a tribute to everyone I've proved right." Raul Alejandro

The Highlight - Table of Faiths

"People were created to be loved and things were created to be used. The problem is that people are being used and things are being loved." - Shakil Haider (winner of the 2016 Steve Jeffers Award)

12 April 2016

Daisy's Diagnosis

The day we found out that Daisy has cancer, we cuddled her and coddled her on the couch. She actually seemed more herself that night than she had in a few days. She'd had 250 ml of fluid drained from her chest cavity at the vet. She could finally breathe again! Her ears were perky! She could eat and drink! She barked when Sergio went out the back door and looked for him from her post at the side door! It was like she didn't even know she had cancer.

April 6, 2016

We began to come to terms with the inevitable. The tumor (the size of a lemon) is too big and she (a 12-pound dog, who has lost a lot of weight) is too small. They will not operate. But they gave us some medicine which we started her on right away. Medicine that was supposed to keep the fluid at bay and that might reduce the size of the tumor. But it might also have some unpleasant gastrointestinal side effects, the likes of which I ought not to recount in decent company.

She was doing well for a couple of days before those side effects kicked in and during that time, while I was wondering how long doggie hospice was going to last, I was also thinking about Jetta.

Three years ago, Jetta was diagnosed with terminal, inoperable cancer during the first week of April - same timing as Daisy's diagnosis. Jetta presented with many of the same symptoms. Jetta also had to have fluid drained from her lungs. Jetta also started medicine with everyone eagerly hoping it'd help, only to find out that the medicine was as difficult to live with as the disease. Just like Daisy. After we started the meds, Daisy began to eat and drink less and less - just like Jetta had - and we wondered "How long does she have?"

The uncanny parallels have created what my friend Pam called a "disturbing emotional echo." Fresh, new sadness with an extra tinge of old, weathered sadness. I know Daisy's just a dog. But she's not. She's Daisy.

Not too sick to do her "prewash" duty.
After a rough weekend, we were advised to take Daisy off the anti-cancer meds and to give her different medicine to help with the nausea and diarrhea instead. Today she's rallying; eating again (and eating a lot!), barking, sniffing, licking the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. She even jumped up onto the couch!

But the cancer is still there. Doing who knows what. Only time will tell. And I have no idea how much of that we have.

We will enjoy however much of it we get.

He's her favorite.

I'm happy to be second fiddle.
Our Girls