09 November 2016


I don't know the last time I cried myself to sleep like I did last night. I am drained after the exhausting cycle of emotions packed into the last 48 hours - hope, anxiety, despair, and more. Today is a new day, though it doesn’t feel new as in like “full-of-possibility” new. Just new as in, “is-this-real-life” new. Now I am rummaging around for Hope. Where did it go? I just had it the other day. Maybe St Francis has it?
...where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness joy...
*rummaging* Let’s see what else I can find...
A Grug & A Tantrum - Today started with a nice, long “grug” (that's a "group hug") with my little family, each saying “I love you” a thousand times. This quickly morphed into a deluxe, red-faced and screaming 30-minute tantrum on the part of Clara. Here I was, trying to hold it together while my blue feminist heart was breaking - meanwhile Clara just lets it rip because she doesn’t like her underwear or can’t find her favorite shoes or who even knows what led her to upturn her sister’s cereal all over the kitchen floor. Stress was everywhere. BUT we are lucky. We are all 4 of us healthy and happy, have a warm home with a roof and walls, cute dogs for schnuggles, and so much food in our cupboards that it falls out when we open the door to the pantry.
"Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console..."
Poetry & Islam - Today proceeded with a presentation at work where I was reminded from Kwame Alexander that words matter ... that poetry matters ... indeed that it is what makes us human. And suddenly Word Week is a perfect salve during this contentious moment in history and/or in my life. Kwame says that "the NOs are a part of life but we that have to learn to say YES to ourselves." And there was jazz and we clapped and we laughed. What a relief. I left there and went to a panel discussion where Muslim Hallmarkers spoke to a room of non-Muslim Hallmarkers all of whom had gathered simply to learn more about Islam. If, as David Isay says, “listening is an act of love,” then my participation in this and other such sessions is a profoundly powerful act.
“...to be understood as to understand...”
Love & Love - Today rounded out with messages of love, which are all over the place when you make Valentine’s Day cards for a living (literally everywhere; you should see my messy desk). And also messages of love in my phone - an emjoi, a text, a heartbeat. I wonder - who else can I reach out to today? Lots of people to choose from. People that I need. People that need me. What do they need to hear?
“...to be loved as to love.”
Still rummaging for Hope. Maybe Longfellow has it. He always has some. Just one stanza - that’s usually enough. Let’s see if it works this time...
Let us, then, be up and doing, With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait.

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